hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize