I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
