Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
