just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
