Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
