WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
