Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize