The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
