Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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