i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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