like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
