I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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