Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
