maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My bed smells like the plague
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
