He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize