I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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