somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
