It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
