I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't turn off my feet"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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