Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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