dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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