Non-Jews are for practice
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
