my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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