coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
