Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
