eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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