Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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