Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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