i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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