my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
