Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
