Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
