Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
