nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
