When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
