I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
