I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
