My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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