But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
