when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
