I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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