Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
