i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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