Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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