and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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