Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
