Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
