If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
