There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
