If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
