They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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