im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
