Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
