Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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