so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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