I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
