god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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