The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
