Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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