I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
