Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
