drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
