I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
