I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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