I got chris browned last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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