You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
